Little Cole after his first bath- I think he liked it
After learning I’ve just had twins, the most common question I get asked is “how are you feeling?’ My response is usually either “exhausted,” or “pretty good,” if I’m too exhausted to even talk about how exhausted I am.
As a former outside observer of those with children, I often wondered, “what makes parents do what they do? How do they continue to go for months on lack of sleep, all the while being puked, spit up, and pooped on by these little screaming meat loafs?”
Now that I have joined the club, the only way I can describe this feeling is being akin to the one some of us felt as children on Christmas morning. It’s excessive exhaustion from being up way too late the night before, paired with expectant joy of what’s to come. Every night seems to be a cycle of falling to sleep thoroughly exhausted, but waking up with joyful anticipation of seeing those little toothless grins looking up at you again.
Another observation I have made is that it is much like the process of falling in love. Your adrenaline is up, you aren’t sleeping, you aren’t eating and you can’t think of anything else or anywhere else you’d rather be then with that little doughy mini-person with the intoxicating smell. Yes your clothes haven’t been changed in a few days, strands of your hair has hardened with either spit up (hopefully this isn’t the case in your romantic love life, or maybe it is), and you haven’t finished a meal when it’s hot in the last two months, but with one giggle or loving grin- the dopamine is running rampant and you’ve got one more hit to keep you going for a couple more hours.
The third observation I’ve made is that with all the studying, reading, and researching on the most effective ways to find personal happiness and fulfillment- we miraculously come already equipped with the tools. We just somehow get off track along the way.
Like those little nutritive waterpacks all babies are born with to keep them nourished the first few days of life- we also come with our own zen-like capacity to create happiness and personal well-being in our lives.
To expound upon this, let’s look at a day in my babies’ life; They get up in the morning and the first thing they do is stretch and look around. They look for me or their daddy and they immediately want connection. They don’t get on their iphones and check their email or their Facebook.
When they eat- they just eat. They aren’t doing anything else. They aren’t thinking “what do I need today?” They are just simply being human beings, not human doings.
When I am around the babies it forces me to do the same thing as well. I can’t multitask. I have to be completely attuned to the little being that is in front of me to make sure they aren’t choking, don’t need to be burped, or changed, etc etc..
I was at the DMV the other day, and it was coming up on feeding time. So out from the trunk of my car- I fed them. Because there is absolutely nothing else you can do when you are simultaneously feeding two babies, I began to look at my surroundings. It was actually a beautiful, balmy day. How many of us stop and “smell the roses,” at the DMV? But this is life. It will always be filled with “have-to’s,” so where else might we sit and take notice of the present moment?
Another wonderful added bonus of these babies has been the way in which they’ve changed my perspective of the world. Thich Nhat Hanh and the Dalai Lama have always encouraged each of us to look at the world as one and with loving compassion- yet it is hard to truly do this with strangers. Especially if we have had a negative experience or trauma.
Yet, when I imagine that at one point in time, every single person in the world was a little “Izzy,” or “Cole” themselves- I am filled with love and joy. Suddenly those people in the line at the DMV aren’t simply hindrances to me getting my license renewed and getting back home- but they are individuals- once innocent, helpless little beings themselves.
The last and final noticeable change in life after having children is my valuing of time. It used to be before, I could casually go to and from work/home/gym with careless ease. Now Sundays are a scheduling/planning operation somewhat similar to what I imagine goes on at Chicago O’Hare traffic control.
I’m consulting with hubby, mother-in-law, babysitter, clients, and friends- trying to put together a week that allows me to be a wife, mother, friend, psychologist, and if I can fit in a bit of “self” time- well then that’s the gravy.
Yet, I notice I am excited about each section of time more than I have ever been. When I was leaving for work this morning at 7:30, breastpump, laptop, coffee in hand, and my neighbor stopped to remark “you are already going back to work?!” I replied, “this is the easy part!”
In fact, I relish those moments with my clients now even more. Those 45 minute chunks of uninterrupted adult conversation (although at times emotionally rife with turmoil and despair) are events I can appreciate fully now. The breaks in between, where I can return emails, call insurance companies, or just sip my coffee and compose a thought are absolute bliss. Yes I used the words “insurance companies,” and “bliss” in the same sentence.
At the same time, when I return home, I now feel the eruption of tiny little butterflies in my stomach, as I anticipate those toothless smiles, those laughs, and that intoxicating smell of my little babies.
zen-ing out with our little buddhas
To those of you who are reading this without children, I hope you are able to take from this a reminder to disconnect from technology and reconnect with those around you who are important to you, the ability to appreciate your “now,” to appreciate your uninterrupted free time, and the lack of a Chicago O’Hare Sunday scheduling experience. To those of you who do have children- I bet you can relate and recall similar feelings you had after having children. Hopefully, today’s blog is an invitation to relish in all that is currently happening in your life- the mundanely perfect moments that are right beneath your nose.
ShrinkMommy 